morning meltdown

This morning I feel like a little kid again who doesn't want to go to school because of a bully. It's actually quite sad since I'm almost 40.

I haven't gone into too much detail about my situation at work in the past except for the fact that my boss won't ever walk down the stairs. That aside, I'm not sure if things have gotten worse here or I'm just more sensitive because I'm more in touch with myself these days (and a possible mid-life crisis).

Here is just one example. Yesterday I announced I was going to lunch 10 minutes early to drop the stuff off for the 3-Day. Boss says "where the fu*k is my sign?" I must have looked confused and he started screaming about this stupid thing he emailed me about this morning. Not even anything important. I told him what I'd been working on and he yells again "you just got those changes, what the hell have you been working on all morning?" Actually, I had been backing up files from a weeks worth of crazy work but I couldn't say that because it wasn't on the List.
This is just one of a million horrible things he says to me. Things like "just do what you're told" and "because I said so". I could go on and on but I'll just start crying again.

People wonder why I've stuck around for so long. Part of it was because I once was making really good money. Also, he used to realize he was an ass and then apologize profusely or try to make up for it with money or a gift (sort of like he does with his kids!)

I feel like I'm stuck in an abusive relationship with nowhere to go. We all know there aren't many jobs and I've even come to the point where I'm thinking of other things I could do to just be able to walk out. Going even deeper, I'm a spiritual person and I can't understand the reason why I'm stuck in this position. I constantly do good for others. I'm a good person. Finding my husband was the greatest reward for that. I guess I have yet to know why I have to face this difficult challenge everyday.

To top it all off, I got my first negative blog comment yesterday. LovetoLive (who doesn't seem to have blog said
I do enjoy reading your blog,however the comments you make about Aferican American are inappropriate at times. There was no need to say, you hope to get a black judge. What is that implying?

This has me a little bit concerned. I in no way meant any offense by that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I think anyone who reads my blog knows that I'm actually involved with Civil Rights activism. I volunteer my time and I give money to our community organizations, I actively support my neighborhood that was once the 2nd worst housing project in America, and I donate my mad design skills to the King Center and Hosea Feed The Hungry. I think that's enough of a justification.