the vicious circle

I can't believe how long it's been since I was here last.

It all started with a piece of pound cake. We're not talking any ordinary pound cake, this was a real southern ALL butter pound cake. I had one slice and then was forced to take half home from the dinner party. I put it in the freezer thinking that would deter me but it only made it more delicious.

At that point I was on week 5 of couch to 5k and finally feeling good again after the ups and downs of the job loss and starting my own company.

I probably shouldn't blame it all on the pound cake. One day out of the blue I suffered what I now know was a full blown anxiety attack. I've suffered with anxiety as long as I can remember and went off the Lexapro once I was out of my miserable job situation. I had some small anxiety attacks in the past but it seemed to be going great until that one day - I truly thought I was dying.

Since then, I've had a full cardiology workup and given the all clear but I have done nothing more than dog walking in flip-flops for exercise. It felt weird putting on my running shoes when we went for a hike in the mountains over the weekend. I'm back on the meds and feeling so much better but the answer to all my other problems is exercise and I'm still not doing it.

The vicious circle goes a little like this: not eating right+lack of exercise=not sleeping well=lack of energy=not eating right+lack of exercise.

This blog post today was my first step in getting back on track. I don't have a plan other than a fridge full of healthy food and 6am gym on the schedule for tomorrow. Not even sure what I'll do yet but anything is better than this. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my husband. I'm hoping coming back to the blog will keep me accountable.