Good Stuff

Man all I needed was some laughing gas for a little attitude adjustment! I went to the dentist this morning after not going for about 3 years. I hate the dentist. I had a perverted orthodontist and didn't realize it until I was much older, then I had a horrible experience with my wisdom tooth surgery. This one was a breeze. I had to have a serious cleaning (hence the laughing gas) but no cavities or any other bad stuff. I'm not ever leaving it that long again.

Thanks to everyone for sweet comments and suggestions about my stress. I'm trying to be aware of it and do things differently when I feel overwhelmed. Only I have control over my attitude. It's up to me whether it's good or bad!

Anger management

I have been a big fat ball of rage since yesterday afternoon. I think I may have even had a mini breakdown. Work is driving me crazy and I worked way too late. Then someone hit my brand new car in the Trader Joes parking lot without leaving a note (if any of you tennis skirt wearing Sandy Springs biatches are reading this I know it was one of you) I just cried the whole way home. Then one of the dogs jumped up and scratched me all the way across the face as a welcome home.

My husband thinks I'm being way to hard on myself but how am I supposed to work a 50 hour week, drive an hour each way, make 3 meals a day and keep a clean house? This is why the exercise suffers. How you people with kids do this I will never know!!

I need to find some balance. I feel like I've been over and over it in my head a million times. Get up earlier, do chores during the week, work out in the morning, work out at lunch, work out at night. I'm just constantly trying to figure it out. In the mean time I just get busier and busier. I thought about cutting out TV watching but am I really prepared to take away the one thing I get to do in a day I enjoy? That's my precious 2 hours per day with my husband and we eat during that time as well.

What's a modern girl to do?

If I had time I'd do some anger management yoga.

Parties and power tools

It's so hard to be back to work after a great weekend. The weather was gorgeous, I threw a kick-ass dinner party on Saturday night, then got up on Sunday morning and built and equally kick-ass raised planting bed. Talk about the modern woman I tell ya :)

On my way to the hellish suburbs today I was thinking how I really do have it all. Aside from a little family drama going on right now, my life is so awesome. I have the best husband in the world who I could not have done any of the weekends activities without. I have the greatest house, dogs, neighbors, friends etc. I have my health. But I'm still so freakin' fat! If I could just beat this I really feel like I would have it all.

Obviously I have the drive and the energy to do so much but I'm carrying around this extra 'friend' (more on that in a minute) and it's really getting in the way. I'm tired of lugging her up and down the stairs. I can't even sit comfortably in my one pair of jeans that fit and enjoy the company of my friends after dinner. I couldn't wait to go put my pajamas on.

Back to the extra 'friend' thing. I have the skinniest friends on the planet. I would say I have 4 best friends. 3 of the 4 of them weigh under 100 pounds. When I'm around them (especially in the car) I feel like I'm the size of an elephant. I'm struggling to get the seat belt on and one of them is disappearing into the seat. I can't imagine what it must be like to have that much room in front of me in the car. I mentioned it to my husband this weekend and he thinks it's weird too. Don't we fatties usually surround ourselves with people that make us feel small?

So I have to lose the equivalent of one of these friends in weight. I can't carry her up the stairs anymore and I can't drive with her in my lap, much less bend over. I'm so tired and frustrated with her but I continue to feed her. Every Monday I swear "it's going to be different this week". I do well for a few days and am eating crap for lunch in my car by the end of the week.

I feel renewed after a good weekend of great weather and things accomplished. I've shaken my feeling of failure this winter off a little and my body is craving healthy food again. Hopefully my planting bed will yield some yummy things. I promise I will post pictures when I plant it. It doesn't look all that exciting right now!

Blah Blob Blog

Well I'm not as blah anymore since that title just made me think of Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development. Hilarious!

I have been SO off track this week. It's been as cold as I can ever remember it being in the ATL. Even my Scottish husband is freezing. The dogs don't even want to go out! It's supposed to be nice this weekend and I think that's just what I need to get back on track. Some fresh air and sunshine usually makes me want to exercise.

I had to lay off an employee yesterday which is the suckiest thing in the world for a non-confrontational person like me. My stomach hurt as much as it would if I was the one getting laid off. I just hope things start to change soon. It seems to get worse everyday. My company is not in jeopardy but we're having to trim up a little just to stay flat for now and hopefully wait this out. My heart goes out to everyone who is losing their jobs. Especially those who are innocent victims of corporate greed.

I have a weekend of debauchery ahead with 2 big dinners so I must get some energy back to exercise. I've missed it this week and now we're planning a trip to Scotland in May so I must get some of this weight off before we go. Not only to look better but to be able to walk around as much as we do. Last time I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

On a happy note to end this post, I'm going to take advantage of the weekend of good weather ahead and start to build my raised planting beds. I would really like to be able to grow my own salad ingredients now that I own a house with a big yard. I've never been good at growing things but I think if I do enough research into the preparation of the soil etc, I can do it!


Hope everyone is having a good week!

Thank God it's Monday?

I never thought I'd be happy for Monday but some weeks it's nice to be back in the comfort of a schedule.

My best friend came to stay this weekend and we ate and drank and ate some more. Then I went to my moms on Sunday and ate some more. Then it was Superbowl time (well Puppy Bowl at first) and we ate some more. My poor husband gained 4 pounds over the weekend and I didn't bother weighing.

Oh well. At least the fridge is stocked and meals are planned and prepped again for the whole week. I do so much better when I don't stray from my routine. Aside from a dinner party at our house on Saturday, not much else is going on for a while so I'm going to re-focus!

One more thing...does anyone out there in Blogland use a bread machine? I borrowed my moms to see if I like it and I know there are some tricks to having it turn out well. I'm wanting to try some good healthy breads and I've never used one.

Here's to a healthy, active week. Lord knows I need it!

Dreams (the sleep kind and the aspirational kind)

Sometimes I really think I'm crazier than most people. I have the most vivid dreams every night that I remember fully when I wake up. They aren't horrible nightmares or anything just stress dreams involving packing for a trip to Scotland or planning my wedding or losing my wallet. The worst one is that I'm not graduating from college because I haven't gone to a class all year or something. I probably have that more than any others or mixed in with the others. When I wake up, I feel as tired as if I had actually been through what was in my dream. I've done some research about controlling dreams but it doesn't seem to be working. I think I will try to learn how to meditate. I also thought about hanging my college diploma by my bed to remind myself I graduated 10 years ago :) It's frustrating so if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated!

Now on to the Big Dream. My mother (and father when he was alive) have always taught me that I can do anything I want to do and be anyone I want to be. They never even blinked when I died my hair blue or told them I wanted to go to art school. I feel that I have something in me as a designer that would free me from a hateful work schedule and commute. The idea I've been pursuing and it's been much more difficult that I'd anticipated. Some days I think it's going to work and other days I wonder if it's a good idea. It's made me very scattered and unfocused but I still feel like it might be worth the work.

It's hard to take an hour a day out of the crazy to exercise and another hour to cook healthy meals. Combine that with 2 hours of driving and 9 hours work and there's not much left of the day for the Big Dream.

In the mean time I'm to find a balance between all the things I want to do and all the things I have to do. Last nights dinner of pork tenderloin and roasted brussels sprouts was worthy of a photograph if I would have had the energy! I know I have it in me. I guess I should listen to my dad's voice in my head saying "no one every got anywhere without hard work". True dat daddy-o.

The rollercoaster

I swear, I gain weight faster than anyone I know. 7 pounds in 7 days. I've even had my thyroid tested a million times and nothing is wrong in that department. The strange thing is my body fat percentage has gone down 1.5% if the Tanita scale can be trusted. It also says my water percentage is up. I'm not too frustrated though because I'm sure a lot of is water from all the salty food I ate. Today I'm really taking it easy on the calories and drinking a ton of water. Simple soup and salad for lunch and some ww pasta and homemade sauce after my water aerobics class tonight.

We went and saw The English Beat (or The Beat as they are know in the UK) on Saturday night. I sure wish someone would teach a Ska/Reggae dance class because I've been so sore ever since! It was fun and obviously good exercise. That combined with 2 hours of I-pod vacuuming and a romp with the dogs made for a fun workout weekend.

I'm not going to let the scale get me down. "Onward and Downward" as Dietgirl would say. I finished her book over my vacation and it was totally amazing and inspiring. I'm almost done with Half of Me by Pastaqueen which has also been a really fun read. Both of these girls never gave up and neither will I.

My sweet husband has lost 8 pounds and I'm so happy for him. Boys. Sheesh. All they have to do is quit drinking beer on weekdays :)

On a fun note I've been working on an idea for my own business that's looking like it might actually come together. It's part of my never ending quest to ditch my commute and stay home with the dogs. It's taking tons of time and brain space but it will be worth it if it works out.

I hope everyone out there has a great week!!

Back to the grind

It feels great to be back to my husband and my dogs but the office, not so much! I have tons of work piled up but it was worth it. So was all the food I ate!

Sometimes you just have to enjoy the chance to indulge a little. I was at a conference and food was astonishing and everywhere. I had caramelized onion and roast beef sliders, pork carnitas, mini cobb salads in martini glasses, chocolate fondue. I stayed away from the junk I could get anywhere and chose to eat the really unique things you don't see everyday. Plus I walked so much I had to soak my feet!

I didn't weigh in this morning but I will tomorrow and asess the damage. Then I will get right back on track as I promised myself I would. I'm not waiting until Monday :)

Outa here

I'm off to Florida for some much needed warmth and some time with girlfriends. Then, a work event in Orlando. I will be back next Thursday. I have healthy snacks packed and have checked out the gym at both hotels so hopefully it won't be too much of a disaster!

Inpiration

I love what Dr. Oz says about the ups and downs of a weight loss journey. He says to think of a navigation system. It doesn't scream at you, quit or keep you going in the wrong direction when you make a wrong a turn. It simply tells you to make the first available u-turn.

I think my biggest problem has been taking the rest of the week off when I mess up and "starting over again on Monday". Ahhh maybe that's why I've hated Mondays most of my life? Same with New Years Eve?

Last night was chaos. I worked super late so I missed my class. Then we had a pizza. 2 slices of thin crust. But I didn't let it throw me off. I got up this morning, worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and I'm eating well again today.

I'm not going to blow it this time. I'm not going to sabotage my success by waiting until Monday to get back on track time I eat something unhealthy. I'm going to make the first available u-turn and stay the course.

I've been reading The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl and she never gave up. Even after days, weeks, or even months of bad eating. She always got back on track. Talk about inspiration!