A love story for Valentines Day

Almost 6 years ago (and many pounds ago) I was newly dumped by my live in boyfriend and starting over. I was feeling pretty good about myself physically and even did my first 3-Day 2 weeks later. I had a new puppy, a new place and a new job. But I was so empty. I had loved several people up to this point but no-one ever returned the love that was given.

My boss was crazy. Literally. I had to take a Xanax in my car at lunch a few times a week. She was just never satisfied. She even made me put a box to check off next to each thing on my to-do list. I'm a crosser-offer, not a checker. But I did what I was told. Finally we hired a copywriter who not only made the office bearable, but changed my entire life.

Copywriter was from Scotland and one day we got to talking about music etc. and he said "you know, I have a friend who's recently divorced and he's coming to visit in a few months. I should introduce you. You two are so much alike." Later on that day an email came through titled 'Intro-duc-shun'

This guy was amazing. We sent emails back and forth for a few days. Then started on the instant message which then progressed to phone calls. I was starting to realize I was crazy about this guy I had never even met in person. Sure we exchanged pictures. I had even sent one of what I look like on a Saturday just so he wouldn't get the idea I was always gorgeous :) I think we were both feeling like there was something between us but neither one of us could fathom that. One day he just said it and after a moments silence I finally said "I feel the same".

There were still a couple months to go before he was going to come to visit until one day crazy biatch boss scheduled a meeting with me stating that there was no need to prepare anything. I knew I was getting fired. And I was THRILLED.

There I was 34 years old, single and unemployed. I knew this was a huge turning point in my life and if I didn't find out if this long distance romance? was real then there was no way I could start a new job. So, a few hours later, I had a pint of ice cream and a buddy pass on Delta for a flight to Manchester.

I called sweet Scottish guy right when I got home and told him I was unemployed. He said he was sorry and I said "I'm not because I'm coming to Scotland".

Sure I was slightly nervous and of course I had a backup plan. I probably would have never been brave enough to do that if my friend at work hadn't known his whole family etc. At least it wasn't some random guy from a chat room I was meeting 5,000 miles from home. I had never even been out of the country.

I ended up not getting on the flight to Manchester but I got one to London. I figured as long as I was on his continent, we could get to each other. I called him from the airport in London and told him to meet me in the train station in Edinburgh 5 hours later. I still wasn't really nervous. I just felt like it was meant to be.

As my train finally made the painstakingly slow stop in Edinburgh, I saw him. He was right there at the door where my car stopped. Like he knew where I was in the train. In the most romantic train station, in the most romantic city, in a country I've never been to.

The doors opened and that was it for both of us. We knew after our first kiss that we would be together forever. We were engaged 3 days later, "commuted" for a year and a half, and were married 4 years ago in North Carolina. The logistics of importing a husband are a little crazy but totally worth it :)

I have never loved anyone so much or been so loved. I'm still sad on Monday's when we have to leave each other to go to work. Thinking about the hard times when we were apart still makes my stomach hurt. I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I'm so glad I waited for the one.

Happy Valenties day everyone!

Throw those curtains wide

That is a line from my new favorite song by a band called Elbow. The best album that has come out in the last 5 years in my opinion!

I've been singing that all morning trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to make myself be a 5am workout person. I know it probably becomes a habit after a while but I have never in my life been a morning person. I can barely open my eyes much less think about exercising. I WANT to be a morning person. I go to bed no later than 10 so I really have no excuse...except for the fact that I love sleep. I feel so great for the whole day after which should be motivation enough.

It's been a little easier since it's been just that much lighter outside and not so freezing cold. I actually beat the sunset coming home last night. It was the first day I've arrived home in daylight since the clocks went back and it was glorious. I can't wait for it to be light enough for me to participate in the evening dog walk. My husband gets home 2 hours before me and walks them every night without me in the winter.

I'm so happy another weekend is almost here. We have no obligations other than hanging out with each other and a dog birthday party on Sunday. I'm making some doggie appetizers (yeah I'm a dork but whatever) which I should really do more often since it's about the only thing I'm not tempted to eat...although there once was an an incident where both my husband and I thought a peanut butter dog biscuit looked and smelled delicious!

Good Stuff

Man all I needed was some laughing gas for a little attitude adjustment! I went to the dentist this morning after not going for about 3 years. I hate the dentist. I had a perverted orthodontist and didn't realize it until I was much older, then I had a horrible experience with my wisdom tooth surgery. This one was a breeze. I had to have a serious cleaning (hence the laughing gas) but no cavities or any other bad stuff. I'm not ever leaving it that long again.

Thanks to everyone for sweet comments and suggestions about my stress. I'm trying to be aware of it and do things differently when I feel overwhelmed. Only I have control over my attitude. It's up to me whether it's good or bad!

Anger management

I have been a big fat ball of rage since yesterday afternoon. I think I may have even had a mini breakdown. Work is driving me crazy and I worked way too late. Then someone hit my brand new car in the Trader Joes parking lot without leaving a note (if any of you tennis skirt wearing Sandy Springs biatches are reading this I know it was one of you) I just cried the whole way home. Then one of the dogs jumped up and scratched me all the way across the face as a welcome home.

My husband thinks I'm being way to hard on myself but how am I supposed to work a 50 hour week, drive an hour each way, make 3 meals a day and keep a clean house? This is why the exercise suffers. How you people with kids do this I will never know!!

I need to find some balance. I feel like I've been over and over it in my head a million times. Get up earlier, do chores during the week, work out in the morning, work out at lunch, work out at night. I'm just constantly trying to figure it out. In the mean time I just get busier and busier. I thought about cutting out TV watching but am I really prepared to take away the one thing I get to do in a day I enjoy? That's my precious 2 hours per day with my husband and we eat during that time as well.

What's a modern girl to do?

If I had time I'd do some anger management yoga.

Parties and power tools

It's so hard to be back to work after a great weekend. The weather was gorgeous, I threw a kick-ass dinner party on Saturday night, then got up on Sunday morning and built and equally kick-ass raised planting bed. Talk about the modern woman I tell ya :)

On my way to the hellish suburbs today I was thinking how I really do have it all. Aside from a little family drama going on right now, my life is so awesome. I have the best husband in the world who I could not have done any of the weekends activities without. I have the greatest house, dogs, neighbors, friends etc. I have my health. But I'm still so freakin' fat! If I could just beat this I really feel like I would have it all.

Obviously I have the drive and the energy to do so much but I'm carrying around this extra 'friend' (more on that in a minute) and it's really getting in the way. I'm tired of lugging her up and down the stairs. I can't even sit comfortably in my one pair of jeans that fit and enjoy the company of my friends after dinner. I couldn't wait to go put my pajamas on.

Back to the extra 'friend' thing. I have the skinniest friends on the planet. I would say I have 4 best friends. 3 of the 4 of them weigh under 100 pounds. When I'm around them (especially in the car) I feel like I'm the size of an elephant. I'm struggling to get the seat belt on and one of them is disappearing into the seat. I can't imagine what it must be like to have that much room in front of me in the car. I mentioned it to my husband this weekend and he thinks it's weird too. Don't we fatties usually surround ourselves with people that make us feel small?

So I have to lose the equivalent of one of these friends in weight. I can't carry her up the stairs anymore and I can't drive with her in my lap, much less bend over. I'm so tired and frustrated with her but I continue to feed her. Every Monday I swear "it's going to be different this week". I do well for a few days and am eating crap for lunch in my car by the end of the week.

I feel renewed after a good weekend of great weather and things accomplished. I've shaken my feeling of failure this winter off a little and my body is craving healthy food again. Hopefully my planting bed will yield some yummy things. I promise I will post pictures when I plant it. It doesn't look all that exciting right now!

Blah Blob Blog

Well I'm not as blah anymore since that title just made me think of Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development. Hilarious!

I have been SO off track this week. It's been as cold as I can ever remember it being in the ATL. Even my Scottish husband is freezing. The dogs don't even want to go out! It's supposed to be nice this weekend and I think that's just what I need to get back on track. Some fresh air and sunshine usually makes me want to exercise.

I had to lay off an employee yesterday which is the suckiest thing in the world for a non-confrontational person like me. My stomach hurt as much as it would if I was the one getting laid off. I just hope things start to change soon. It seems to get worse everyday. My company is not in jeopardy but we're having to trim up a little just to stay flat for now and hopefully wait this out. My heart goes out to everyone who is losing their jobs. Especially those who are innocent victims of corporate greed.

I have a weekend of debauchery ahead with 2 big dinners so I must get some energy back to exercise. I've missed it this week and now we're planning a trip to Scotland in May so I must get some of this weight off before we go. Not only to look better but to be able to walk around as much as we do. Last time I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

On a happy note to end this post, I'm going to take advantage of the weekend of good weather ahead and start to build my raised planting beds. I would really like to be able to grow my own salad ingredients now that I own a house with a big yard. I've never been good at growing things but I think if I do enough research into the preparation of the soil etc, I can do it!


Hope everyone is having a good week!

Thank God it's Monday?

I never thought I'd be happy for Monday but some weeks it's nice to be back in the comfort of a schedule.

My best friend came to stay this weekend and we ate and drank and ate some more. Then I went to my moms on Sunday and ate some more. Then it was Superbowl time (well Puppy Bowl at first) and we ate some more. My poor husband gained 4 pounds over the weekend and I didn't bother weighing.

Oh well. At least the fridge is stocked and meals are planned and prepped again for the whole week. I do so much better when I don't stray from my routine. Aside from a dinner party at our house on Saturday, not much else is going on for a while so I'm going to re-focus!

One more thing...does anyone out there in Blogland use a bread machine? I borrowed my moms to see if I like it and I know there are some tricks to having it turn out well. I'm wanting to try some good healthy breads and I've never used one.

Here's to a healthy, active week. Lord knows I need it!

Dreams (the sleep kind and the aspirational kind)

Sometimes I really think I'm crazier than most people. I have the most vivid dreams every night that I remember fully when I wake up. They aren't horrible nightmares or anything just stress dreams involving packing for a trip to Scotland or planning my wedding or losing my wallet. The worst one is that I'm not graduating from college because I haven't gone to a class all year or something. I probably have that more than any others or mixed in with the others. When I wake up, I feel as tired as if I had actually been through what was in my dream. I've done some research about controlling dreams but it doesn't seem to be working. I think I will try to learn how to meditate. I also thought about hanging my college diploma by my bed to remind myself I graduated 10 years ago :) It's frustrating so if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated!

Now on to the Big Dream. My mother (and father when he was alive) have always taught me that I can do anything I want to do and be anyone I want to be. They never even blinked when I died my hair blue or told them I wanted to go to art school. I feel that I have something in me as a designer that would free me from a hateful work schedule and commute. The idea I've been pursuing and it's been much more difficult that I'd anticipated. Some days I think it's going to work and other days I wonder if it's a good idea. It's made me very scattered and unfocused but I still feel like it might be worth the work.

It's hard to take an hour a day out of the crazy to exercise and another hour to cook healthy meals. Combine that with 2 hours of driving and 9 hours work and there's not much left of the day for the Big Dream.

In the mean time I'm to find a balance between all the things I want to do and all the things I have to do. Last nights dinner of pork tenderloin and roasted brussels sprouts was worthy of a photograph if I would have had the energy! I know I have it in me. I guess I should listen to my dad's voice in my head saying "no one every got anywhere without hard work". True dat daddy-o.

The rollercoaster

I swear, I gain weight faster than anyone I know. 7 pounds in 7 days. I've even had my thyroid tested a million times and nothing is wrong in that department. The strange thing is my body fat percentage has gone down 1.5% if the Tanita scale can be trusted. It also says my water percentage is up. I'm not too frustrated though because I'm sure a lot of is water from all the salty food I ate. Today I'm really taking it easy on the calories and drinking a ton of water. Simple soup and salad for lunch and some ww pasta and homemade sauce after my water aerobics class tonight.

We went and saw The English Beat (or The Beat as they are know in the UK) on Saturday night. I sure wish someone would teach a Ska/Reggae dance class because I've been so sore ever since! It was fun and obviously good exercise. That combined with 2 hours of I-pod vacuuming and a romp with the dogs made for a fun workout weekend.

I'm not going to let the scale get me down. "Onward and Downward" as Dietgirl would say. I finished her book over my vacation and it was totally amazing and inspiring. I'm almost done with Half of Me by Pastaqueen which has also been a really fun read. Both of these girls never gave up and neither will I.

My sweet husband has lost 8 pounds and I'm so happy for him. Boys. Sheesh. All they have to do is quit drinking beer on weekdays :)

On a fun note I've been working on an idea for my own business that's looking like it might actually come together. It's part of my never ending quest to ditch my commute and stay home with the dogs. It's taking tons of time and brain space but it will be worth it if it works out.

I hope everyone out there has a great week!!

Back to the grind

It feels great to be back to my husband and my dogs but the office, not so much! I have tons of work piled up but it was worth it. So was all the food I ate!

Sometimes you just have to enjoy the chance to indulge a little. I was at a conference and food was astonishing and everywhere. I had caramelized onion and roast beef sliders, pork carnitas, mini cobb salads in martini glasses, chocolate fondue. I stayed away from the junk I could get anywhere and chose to eat the really unique things you don't see everyday. Plus I walked so much I had to soak my feet!

I didn't weigh in this morning but I will tomorrow and asess the damage. Then I will get right back on track as I promised myself I would. I'm not waiting until Monday :)