surviving

Thank you Tammy for the comment asking where I've been. I was just thinking this weekend how I need to be more accountable for my blog even when I'm feeling miserable. It's nice to have friends whether they be people you see all the time or my blog friends.

Last week was one of my toughest weeks at work EVER but I managed to throw my best friend her birthday party which was very successful. Saturday and Sunday I spent mostly feeling sorry for myself.

This morning I had a slap in the face that kinda put things in perspective (again). My aunt, my moms sister, the 2nd youngest of 10, took her own life late last night. My mom is okay but it's my grandmother we all worry about. She's deteriorating from Alzheimer's and has to be told what happened every 5 minutes. They are all in Minnesota and everyone who isn't is headed there. My sisters and I won't be going but we will surely be here thinking of everyone there and mourning the loss of our dear aunt.

So that's where I am right now. I wish there was more I could do but I'm a little lost sitting at my desk staring at my screen. I have to interview a freelancer and then may just go to the bar to hang out with my sister for a while and then go home and love on my dogs until hubby comes home. Hug your people. Hug your pets. I need to take my own advice much more often.

Catching my breath

Being back at my desk is actually a relief today after playing hostess for the last 2 weekends. We had a great time but my time consisted mostly of cook, clean, serve, clean and repeat. My body feels like I ran a marathon and the recycling bin is going to need a fork lift to make it to the curb this week. I'm so thankful to have a husband who knows how to be a good host and how to help without me having to ask. I'm so lucky and I will never take that for granted!

I did put on 3 pounds over the long weekend but with some work this week, that will be gone in a flash. I only drank one night out of the 3 and because I was so busy, it was easy. As much as I love drinking, I'd rather eat my calories :)

The rest of this week is only slightly crazy. I have a "fancy" birthday party to go to tonight and then my best friends 40th is on Friday. The solution to that dilemma ended up being a wonderful combination of all of your suggestions. She and I are getting a pedicure right after I get out of work and then we are going to dinner at her favorite restaurant with another friend of hers. Then, back to my house for champagne on the deck. Whew. Another thing checked off the long to-do list.

I've decided to do a week of yoga and Pilates to help calm my nerves and in hopes of getting rid of some lower back pain I've developed from doing too much running around and climbing ladders. I have a degenerative disk and normally it doesn't bother me as long as I keep my core strong but I haven't been doing as much of that type of work as I should and I'm paying the price! Fortunately I've learned that repeat visits to the orthopedist and cortisone shots do nothing and it's all about the exercise.

Now that I've bored y'all to tears, I'm off to get some work done and drink about 20 gallons of water. Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

Do unto others

I'm super busy today but just had to share a good story from this morning.

I had to drop off a big donation for the Food Bank for work so I left my house early but was still in a hurry to get to the office. I felt great about doing a good deed and was driving (fast) on the nice, curvy, back roads I take to work. Not one but TWO people flashed their lights at me to let me know there was a cop hiding in the bushes ahead. Can you imagine getting a speeding ticket because you were in a hurry to get to work after making a donation to the food bank!?!?! Dodged a bullet there. Thank you nice people of Sandy Springs. I now know that you are more than just tennis skirt wearing b*tches :)

I was vacuuming at 6:00 this morning so I'm ready for my guests! I wish I could have y'all over for the amazing fruit salad I made.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day weekend!!

*helpful hint....combine yoga moves with home pedicure. It's a time saver! :)

Baggy pants

Why is it that sometimes the scale won't move much but suddenly it's time for new pants? I should say "trousers" so my British friends don't snicker ;) I might even have to venture in to the two bins of skinny clothes I have and see what's in there! Yesterday's pants could barely zip at the beginning of the summer and when I put them on, I thought they were ripped or something because they would barely stay on. The scale is a constant source of confusion but screw it, I'm feeling pretty good about going down a size or two. Anyone else experience this?

I'm running around like crazy today and tonight working and getting ready for my Scottish family to arrive tomorrow. I'm trying to put together some meals that don't break the money and calorie bank. I'm running out of time! :) Hope everyone is having a great week!

Better!

Thank you all for your sweet responses to my post yesterday. I was really down but I'm feeling a lot better today. I was even rocking out to Peter Murphy (my most favorite singer of all times) on the way to work. Yes, I'm almost 40 and still listen to the same music as I did when I was a teenager. I think it keeps me young :)

I sent out another resume yesterday and that's really all I can do right now. The fact that I was 1 of 6 interviewed out of 350 applicants for this last job proves to me that my resume and portfolio are in good shape.

I wish I could write more today but the work ain't gonna do itself. Have a great day everyone and thanks for cheering me up!!

Monday Mix Tape

I lost another pound on Wednesday weigh in which I forgot to report!

I have had a constant stream of house guests since Friday and drank a bit too much. We have Scottish family coming Friday-Monday which gives me just enough time to re-clean the house and give my liver a break!

My doctor broke up with me today. In a letter. This was due to the physical I had a while back and found out after that fact our admin had changed our insurance and it wasn't covered. Now I owe them $500 and they won't see me again until it's paid off. I was hoping they could at least discount it a little or let me pay them $100 a month for a while. Nope. Not even after 14 years of going there. Thanks a lot people!

I'm making $2000 less a month right now and this snowball is rolling down the hill and getting big. It's so hard to think about working out and eating well when I'm tears every day over it. Every month is a juggling act with the bills and it takes everything out of me. I'm trying to use the frustration from it all to "fuel my fire" but when I'm depressed I get lazy.

I'm just going to keep plugging along like I always do and keep the faith that there's something better on the horizon. Luckily, I have an amazing husband and the best dogs in the world to go home to tonight.

Sorry to be a downer but I'm keeping an honest track of how I'm feeling whether it's good or bad. Now I'm off to catch up on some more cheerful blogs :)

Inspiration

You know, I thought I was lazy until I hear this exchange yesterday between my boss and my co-worker.
CW: They have just opened our favorite restaurant in the DFW airport. We can eat lunch there on our trip tomorrow.
BOSS: I'm not walking anywhere.
He is a heart attack waiting to happen. Drinks regular Coke, eats candy and chips all day and then only dinner as a meal. Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 pounds. Nothing anyone could ever say will change his habits either. I feel a bit better about myself :)

Speaking of feeling better, I'm inspired. I know I'm late to the Sean party, but if you haven't read his blog yet DO IT. You will laugh, you will cry and then you will feel like this whole weight loss thing "ain't rocket surgery" as I like to say. I'm going back to basics. Calorie counting, moving, and figuring out exactly what I need to do in my head to make me not gain it all back this time. That's only 3 things. I can do that and I can afford it :)

Now, I'm off to catch up on some blogs, get some work done (which hasn't happened since I've been reading Seans blog from day one) and figure out a daily calorie count on FitDay or Sparkpeople. Hope y'all are having a great week!

bummer

Yesterday I stayed home from work with the remains of some seriously annoying lower back pain and It's a good thing I did because a rejection email came yesterday from the job I've been waiting to hear about. I am seriously bummed.

I know why I didn't get the job. It's not something that's easy for me to talk about but it's time to admit it. I can have the best portfolio and personality out there but it's not going to change the fact that I'm a short, fat girl applying for an executive level job in the fashion industry. I should have know during the interview when I asked about the culture and was given the speech about the Divas and the designer clothes. The recruiter talked about it as if she was surprised herself since it was kids clothing but nonetheless, I saw those types wandering the halls and maybe even a snicker or two in my direction that I refused to believe at the time.

I was saying to my husband that unfortunately, people face the issue of prejudice every day. For most, it's something they cannot change like the color of their skin or their sexual orientation or a disability. Mine is something I CAN change and I'm ashamed of myself for doing it once and letting myself go again. I accomplished so much more in my size 10 jeans than in my 22's.

If anything, this has served as a big fat slap in the big fat arse. I had a little hissy-fit in my closet this morning and threw my nicely hung up waiting for second interview giant-sized black pants on the floor way behind the skinny clothes bins. Then I packed my gym bag for the first time in 2 weeks. It's the only plan 'b' I can think of.

you guys rule


Thank you SO much for all of the responses! I seriously had no idea so many people read what I write. I see some new names in the comments and I will be by to visit your blogs when I have a minute!

Great ideas and I think I took a bit from every one of them! She is coming over tomorrow night for drinks and here is what I'm going to say:

"Listen, I've been thinking a lot about your upcoming birthday and I feel like if you want to have a party, your husband should put something together at your house because he (hopefully) knows all of your friends and family that you would want to be there. I'd be happy to bring the cake and make a jug of margaritas. I don't think I can do it at my house because it's a Friday night and I don't even know where I will be working then. If not then lets get some girls together and go out to the bar/pedicure place or dinner somewhere fun."

I think that is being honest but not at all mean while keeping in mind that it is my friends special day and I do want to do SOME nice things. Just not all of it! I did manage to come up with this little idea for her card and possibly the cake...

My friend is a Hello Kitty fanatic and a nurse so I added the little hat. I've been working on some "crows feet" but it's not turning out so it may have to stay like this! I think she'll get it :)

I wish I had more to report. I bought second interview shoes so lets hope I have to wear them!

WWBD?

Okay y'all I need some advice from my blog friends. Completely off topic.

My other best friend is about to turn 40. She has a 2 year old and the most horrible husband on earth (which I won't go into because that's another rage filled post)

I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that he will plan nothing, do nothing, or even care that she's celebrating a big birthday. The thing that really sucks? It's his birthday too.

I'm always the one who does all the parties because that's just the way I am. Always thinking about others. Right now, the thought of spending all that money and time (keep in mind I'm a perfectionist) is painful. I feel like I would be a bad friend if I just planned a dinner out because she said she really wanted a party. I would have to have it at my house and pretend like it was for him too even though he treats me worse than dirt.

My question to you is should I:
1. Stop feeling responsible and hope he plans SOMETHING?
2. Just suck it up and throw the damn party for a dear friend I've known for 20 years.

Okay enough of that. Still waiting waiting and waiting some more over here. There is no direction to my life at all right now but I'm surviving.

Thanks for the 2 blog awards I got yesterday from Tammy and 266 . I really appreciate it and promise to pass it on when I have a moment to think. Right now, stupid work needs to be done.

Have a great day everyone and thanks in advance for your advice!