when your body lets you down

No one ever told me that when you hit your forties, it all starts to go downhill.

I've considered myself lucky for so long that I haven't had any issues related to my years of obesity, a history of smoking, drinking etc. I was a seriously healthy person.

My recent asthma diagnosis was only part of it and yesterday I got a call saying they looked at my pulmonary function tests and my echocardiogram together and are seeing signs of mild pulmonary hypertension and signs of mild emphysema. That has me a little more freaked out that just plain ol' asthma.

I'm seeing a pulmonologist in early March and I'll know more but in the mean time, no half marathon. I can exercise but nothing 'extreme' like 13 miles. For now. I'm hoping to be able to downgrade to the 5k which I'm allowed to do so at least I won't lose my money and will have something to look forward to.

Maybe this is why I'm struggling to get past a 5k. Maybe I will be able to do more when this is diagnosed and treated?

For the first time (or maybe I'm just now realizing this) my body is holding me back from what I want to do. I don't just want to be skinny. I WANT to be a runner. I WANT to be that active, fit person who knows no limits. I have the energy and the mindset to do all of it and the body just can't.

My trainer said last night that she thinks I'm at a real turning point and positive place in my life where I can do some great things for myself. I'm not taking that lightly. I've got the tools in place. Between my yoga instructors and my trainer, I have an army of hot chicks working on me. I can be one of them if I take this seriously and keep working my ass off to pay for it all.