I'm not crazy...my doctor had me tested!

Sorry - I couldn't resist the Sheldon Cooper reference for any Big Bang theory fans.

I've officially been psychologically approved for surgery and I honestly didn't expect to feel so relieved about that :) 

One thing I can say for sure is that I'm a huge fan of my psychologist - not just because he approved me but because I feel like he's really there for me and all the others on this crazy journey. At one point during the evaluation I was telling him about the weight I had gained after the Peachtree and the 3-Day and I looked at him all teary-eyed and I could see he TRULY got it. He said "that must have been so hard" and he really meant it. I felt like he was the first person ever that didn't blow it off as "water weight" or "muscle mass" and understood what that does to my head.

** Quick rant -  you may agree or disagree - I had a 3 hour psychological evaluation for elective surgery but you don't have to have that to get a gun. Rant over! **

The best part of being a huge fan of my shrink (can I call him that?? Do people still say that??) Could say therapist instead but that kind of seems like it downplays his expertise in his field. Anyway, he holds several support groups monthly and I feel like it's an honor to have access to that kind of support. Before and after! Tomorrow night will be one of the largest I've been to and my husband will be coming with me. I never thought that would be something I looked forward to but then again exercise was the same way.

I'm in the process of reading everything I can get my hands on in order to be as prepared and successful as I can be. There's some but not a ton out there which is why I've started tagging my posts if there's anyone out there like me struggling to find a more 'real life' account because I've read all the medical info there is!


Chances are pretty good that I won't post again until after Christmas unless anything big comes up. I think it's important to document the process but I don't want to blah blah blah on about in every post either! I'm trying not to be like one of those people that has a baby and that's all they ever talk about and they lose themselves in all of it.

Finally, hugs to all the parents and teachers. I'm totally devastated by the shootings in CT and I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if I were a parent, or a teacher or both.

God bless you all and Happy Holidays!

This one's a doozie...

Yes it's been a really long time and this is going to be a really long post so grab your favorite beverage and pull up a chair!

OCTOBER

I last blogged as I was leaving for the 3 day. As always it was life changing experience. Full of joy, pain, happiness, sadness and by God was I tired and dirty by the end of every day :) This year I stayed in a hotel so I could soak my feet in epsom salt. It helped a lot with my tendonitis but I still got wicked blisters and just suffered through it. Every night when I got back to my room I would feel like there was no way in hell I was going to be able to do it again the next day...but I did.

I was by myself this year (which is actually really nice!) but of course I met a friend right away and kept each other going! I walked with Flat Carol, my cardboard tribute to my Aunt who passed away last year. She was a huge hit. People got to know her and would say hey to Flat Carol each day.

We walked and talked with a woman for a few miles who was 38, had 3 kids and had to go back to chemo the Tuesday after the walk - I would have never known if she hadn't taken off her hat. That moment was a big one for me which I promise I will come back to.


After 3 long days. 8 hours of walking every day. 60 miles and then some. My husband and friends were waiting for me at the finish line. Words cannot express how great that feels.
   
The joy was fleeting. I gained 8 pounds. 

NOVEMBER

I missed running after training for the 3-Day so I started that again right away. I did my first ever Thanksgiving Day 5k! It was a beautiful day and a great race. The 5k finished with the elite of the half marathon that was going on simultaneously and they were sprinting past us. If all goes according to plan, I will be doing the half next year. I highly recommend a race on Thanksgiving morning. What an amazing way to start the day!
 I gained 6 pounds for Thanksgiving.  

DECEMBER

My 43rd birthday was December 8th. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had - filled with joy, love, friends and fun. I could not ask for a better life.


Except for one thing.

Something very strange happened to me somewhere between November and December. I was driving on the highway in downtown Atlanta. 16 lanes of rush hour traffic and for whatever reason, I get a message -a revelation of sorts. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before but I guess sometimes when you ask for answers, you get them when you least expect it. I pulled over and I cried my eyes out for 20 minutes because I knew it was true.

The message was simple. It's time for surgery.

Sometime in late January I'm having a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. When I found out my insurance covers almost all of it, I knew it was going to happen.

I may be crazy but I doubt it and luckily this process requires that a qualified professional make that decision for me. I'm going through that part of the process right now and taking none of it lightly.

My first psychological evaluation was on Tuesday and it was almost 4 hours. I should know by Monday if I'm cleared to move forward or if I'll be put on hold for more extensive therapy. I don't mind either way because I want to do whatever I need to do to be successful.


If you are reading this and think that weight loss surgery is giving up or being lazy, I urge you to go back and read the beginning of this post. Especially the part about walking 60 miles with women who are undergoing treatment for cancer. They aren't giving up and neither am I. Something is WRONG with me and how I process food. That's going to get fixed and the rest of it, the psychologist and my amazing network of supporters will help me deal with.

My reason is simple. I want to be the athlete that's inside of me. I want to be real yogi. In fact, I want to teach yoga when this is all said and done.  I don't see one ounce of "laziness" or "giving up" in that statement. I just can't drag this hundred pounds around with me anymore on my 5ks, 10ks and 3-Days. It's going to kill me.

When my friend Crys announced her decision to the blogosphere, she got a lot of hate. Like her, I will just delete it and really not care but she has lost 100 pounds in 6 months and has changed her life. Go have a look...your jaw will drop. She has been a huge support and a wonderful friend. We go to support groups together and have met some amazing people. Several who formerly 300+ pound marathon runners. It's all so inspiring and totally exciting.

Don't get me wrong. I have my fears. Mostly of sagging skin which is really stupid when you think about it. I worry about making the wrong decision about what surgery to have though the doctors are all leaning toward the sleeve since I don't have diabetes and it's less invasive.

I met with the dietician who I adore and she put my mind at ease about being able to eat enough to fuel my athletic endeavors. The army of doctors and professionals who have been and will be part of this process are some of the best in the world. They are easing my fears and I'm ready.

I have a few more steps to take. If the psychologist clears me I see the pulmonologist right after Christmas and he may require a sleep study. If they give me the go ahead that's it except for one more appointment with the dietician and then all the pre-surgery blood work.

Whew. I can't believe I finally wrote this post. I hope all my loyal readers and die hard supporters will continue to follow my journey. I can promise you one thing...it will be interesting!!!!

If you have any questions just email me. tinatait(at)gmail(dot)com.


Walk Week

My 3rd 3-Day begins Friday at dawn. I'm nervous and excited all at once! My mom made my tutu and I wrote the names of all the people I'm walking for on the ribbons. There are 13 names on there. 12 are survivors and one is my Aunt I lost last year at this time.

I'm am pain free after this last cortisone shot. I'm such a nicer person and it's so nice to be able to run around without the constant complaining coming from my foot. My husband is worried I'm going to over-do it but I promised him and myself that I will take it easy and stop if I have to. One of my friends drives a sweep van and I will take advantage of the ride when needed.

I will report back next week and let y'all know how it goes!

benched

Just got back from a horribly painful visit to the foot doctor. Physically and emotionally.

I've watched many of my blog buddies suffer so much from pain issues and now it's my turn. It's amazing to me how much living with pain (even in a small area) can affect your whole being.

So after the agonizing cortisone shot in my peroneal tendon he said "there's no way you are walking 60 miles". I left in tears and the whole waiting room probably got a little scared of what goes on back there!

I'm so so so so bummed. I've been preparing for this walk for almost a year.

My plan is to walk a few miles each of the days. He said six but I didn't ask if that was per day or total. The rest of the day I'm hoping I can catch a ride with some crew member friends of mine and just cheer people on.  I've ALMOST raised all my money and it still goes to a GREAT cause but I'm an overachiever and this is a big blow.

If this shot doesn't work it's on to surgery. I'm hoping and praying it works so I can get back to my active lifestyle I miss SO much. I've packed on a few pounds again because I can't do much.

As we were leaving the building, we walked right by the gym at the hospital where my husband works so we stopped and added me to his membership. I'll have access to the pool again and I plan on swimming out my frustrations.

I started this blog the day I first started swimming there. So much has happened since and funnily enough, end up back where I started. Later today I have my first session with "the food guru" as I'm calling her. It's going to be really difficult to get through all of this but I haven't lost my optimism...so at least there's that!

Good advice

This is a very Jack Sh*t shirt.

I'm so happy to know I still have some blog friends still out there after my extended absence. Thanks peeps. You might want to stay tuned because I've met someone, a professional someone (through strangely divine intervention) that I think may be able to help me end my battle with food. I've only spoken to her for an hour but I just feel really optimistic about this. 

The foot is feeling better AND I'm more than halfway to my fundraising goal. Things are lookin' up!



Bad blogger

It's been forever since my last post - mostly because nothing has changed. My foot still hurts and the 3-day is still getting closer! I'm not giving up. I'm just going to have to work a little harder.

The good news is I've not gained any weight but I still feel like a big fat slug. I've done some walking but not nearly what I should be doing. It's amazing how an injury can affect you in so many ways. Mentally and physically!

The ONE THING that has kept me sane (and maintaining) is My Fitness Pal. I'm sure I'm late to the party on this one but it's the easiest way to track calories and exercise that I've ever found. Most importantly, it's free!

Just wanted to update anyone out there that's still reading!


Monday Mix Tape - Shameless self-promotion edition

Hi all! My foot is being extremely slow to heal but at least I'm not in tears anymore. I've been wearing sensible shoes and can hopefully start getting some miles in for the 3-Day.

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Which brings me to the main point of today's post - my fundraising for the 3-Day!

For a limited time, I'm offering some of my mad design skillz - FOR FREE - with a donation to my 3-Day account. Hey, it's even tax deductible! Do you need a business card, mommy card or social media card? Maybe a logo or monogram? Does your Etsy shop or blog need some sprucing up? Well now is your chance....and it's all for a great cause!

Click here for lots more info:If you don't need design you can donate anyway! Even $5 helps!


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Stay tuned for another fundraising post later in the week. I'll be giving away some awesome, hand-made iPad bags to donors!


foot frustration part deux

Just thought I'd do an update to let y'all know that my foot tendonitis came back with a vengeance and it's put me in a bit of a funk.

I got some cortisone shots but haven't been able to move in well over a week. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly pain combined with lack of exercise can turn me into a hot mess.

I'm so cranky and tired. I have no interest in cooking or eating healthy. The small amount of exercise I've been doing has been half-hearted. I just want to eat. Oh and did I mention I'm walking 60 miles is 7 weeks?

I need to get some miles in and I suppose I need to work through the pain a little to get there. I can tell I'm on the mend....it's just really slow and really frustrating!!

Vent over! Carry on :)

Monday mix tape

How did it get to be August already? I've done nothing but work 16 hours a day for the last 7 days in row - including all weekend. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but I feel like crap after not exercising AT ALL. My eating hasn't been great but I maintained my loss and right now, that's a victory! I'm reigning it in and scheduling some non-negotiable exercise time this week. Clients can wait an hour. I've got to get some miles in. The 3-day is less than 3 months away!

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Have y'all seen this new Nike campaign?


This message is so incredibly true and I'm so glad to see them putting something out there that real people can relate to. Way to go Nike.

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Because I've been working so much, I have nothing else to report other than the latest version of my software so it's a short mix tape today. Have a great week!!