One month of gym

It's been exactly a month since I joined the gym. Out of those 30 days I've been there 24 times.

I got on the scale and it STILL hasn't moved. Only 3 pounds in one month. I know that people say (but Jillian doesn't agree) that muscle weighs more than fat. That's great but surely there should be some progress by now.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying I'm not giving up (yet)

I feel like I've tried everything. I'm sitting here typing in tears because I think I'm eventually going to have to have surgery. The thyroid has been checked 800 million times. I've been on every diet on earth. When I lost 100 pounds it was because I was working out like crazy and not eating. Don't think I haven't thought about doing that again. Some of my skinniest friends never eat. Maybe a steady diet of lattes, cigarettes and cocaine?

I'm eating 1500 calories a day, working out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol, drinking more water. I don't know what else to do.

I'm going to shoot for another month of 6 days a week at the gym and maybe dropping my calories to 1300 or 1400. I'm also going to finally do my BMR to make sure I have a daily calorie deficit. Then, one more trip to the doctor for the thyroid test(which is borderline but still normal). Next stop, lap band seminar. I just can't imagine life after that surgery but is it better than being fat and on the fast road to dying young? My father died at 49. Only 9 years away.

I don't think I've mentioned this but I've been off Lexapro for over a month and I've been doing really well until today. My anxiety issues are all brought on by other people (my doctor said "aren't they all" which I thought was quite funny) I had a small anxiety attack in the pool because it was really crowded and someone wanted to share my lane. I explained that I was fat and slow but skinny miss pro swimmer didn't seem to mind until she realized I was indeed slow (like I said) I take up twice as much room as they do so why don't they just share lanes with each other? They have the lanes marked fast and medium but not a slow or even beached whale option. You think you could tell by looking at me that I wasn't in the fast or even medium category. Finally she went off to share a lane with her kind but I was already so worked up I only managed 3/4 of my workout. As soon as I got out of the pool the senior water aerobics class were all getting out and showering and I thought I was going to explode.

Sorry to dump this all out here today. I know it's a mess of a post going in a million different directions but I might really be at the end of my rope this time and I feel like it's important to put it all out there. If anyone has any advice about what I might be doing wrong please let me know. I thought I knew it all in regards to diet and exercise but maybe I don't.