Not the Biggest Loser

Let me start by saying thank you so much for all the encouragement. I had myself convinced I wasn't going to do it until I saw all the comments!!

Saturday started at 5:30am. The night before my sister and I were laughing about how this was the one day of my life I'd ever get dressed trying to look as fat as possible :) Everything I had read about auditioning for the show suggested dressing as if it were a job interview. Myself and about 10 other people took that advice (including one woman who had on the same dress as me!) The rest were a hot mess. Literally.

Walking to the end of the line was weird. Everyone was staring at everyone walking by. I felt thin by comparison which was really new to me. I didn't bring a chair because I didn't want to be the one lazy fat person with a chair. HA!! EVERYONE had a chair - some even had huge shade structures. People were SMOKING! People were eating DUNKIN' DONUTS. People brought huge coolers FULL of food. I had an iPad and a bottle of water. I was beginning to wonder why I was there.

This was my view of the line behind me about 30 minutes after I arrived. It was hard to judge how many people were in line ahead of me. I met the people I was destined to spend the next 4 hours with. All of them super nice, I was the oldest and thinnest of the bunch - by 60 pounds. I know this because we all shared our weights. Most of my line-mates at one point told me I didn't need to be there but I weigh exactly as much as Olivia weighed when she started and she WON!

We had about an hour of shade until the sun was directly on us and that's when it got a little more challenging. My horror turned to sadness as people started heating up. There was kid who couldn't have been a day over 16 needing oxygen from the paramedics. There were people that couldn't stand or move to even get out of the sun. I grabbed the umbrellas I had in my car and handed them out to the ones that looked the worst - not caring if I ever got them back. After seeing some of these people struggle I thought If I did get on the show I might have to give my spot to someone who was really sick.

About 9:00 we got numbered applications. I was number 167 in line. Not bad considering the line had grown to at least 1,000. It had similar questions to the online application which I think everyone should fill out. It asks some really tough questions and requires a lot of deep thinking. You can download it here if you're interested.

Finally they let the first 200 in the building. The whole process was very organized and they were trying to get everyone inside and out of the heat as quickly as possible. The crew were a lot like when I went to see Oprah. Trying very hard to rev up the crowd and keep everyone excited about it. I was just happy I got a chance to pee and fix my makeup! My hair was flat and un-fixable by now but because of the 2 years of hot yoga, I wasn't as affected by the heat as much. Score!

After 4 hours it comes down to one group of 10 and one casting director. You leave your application, one photo and have about 30 seconds to answer one question. The question was "who do you want to inspire?" My answer was you. My faithful readers. I told the casting director that for over three years, I've been keeping a weight loss blog that almost 600 people read and haven't really ever lost any weight yet people say I inspire them.

She was trying to be all cheerleader-y with everyone saying things like "this is the first step - you're here today" blah blah blah. It's really not true. It's not a step at all unless you're chosen or happen to be inspired by the shear amount of sick people around you.

That was it. I was kind of hoping it would be more than just the decision of one person. They said you would hear by midnight if you had a call back but I wasn't expecting the phone to ring. I had as much chance of getting called back as I did of winning the lottery. I just let it go. And had a shot of Patron and a beer.

But I was sad. More sad than I thought I would be. Sad for the people who weren't going to do anything to help themselves if they didn't get on the show. Sad for myself that at the end of the day, I still have a hundred pounds to lose (again).

With sadness can come inspiration and I do feel inspired. I'm not too far gone to ever come back. I'm running 6.2 miles a week from Wednesday. I'm going to do some food journaling to help me figure out why all this exercise isn't helping me shed any pounds. The last month I've barely had a carb and only lost 5 lbs. I suppose it's better than nothing but I'm tired of hauling around this other person on my runs. I might as well have my 90 pound friend on my back. 90 pound friend once told me she didn't weigh 90 pounds so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and call her my 95 pound friend. :) She's also my biggest fan and I couldn't do this without her.

Wow this was a long post but it was very therapeutic. I'm training really hard this week so stay tuned...all leading up to the worlds biggest (and hottest) 10k.

Doin' it

After a few sleepless nights and (probably way too much) discussion with friends and family, I've made the decision. I'm doin' it. I'm auditioning for the Biggest Loser season 14 on Saturday.

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work required for this. I'm giving up an official training run WITH water stops which I will still have to do on Sunday instead. Unofficially. Without water. I feel like I would always wonder if I didn't do it.

The application is probably something every one of us should fill out - even if you aren't applying for the show. It asks a lot of thought-provoking questions I'm not sure I've ever asked myself like "what do you think would be the best thing about being fit?" or "what is the hardest thing about being overweight?" This goes on for 9 pages. I kind of feel like I need to dive into this with a bottle of red wine and a box of kleenex.

I would never give up a precious Saturday if I didn't feel like I had half a chance. I have the personality for it, I'm just not sure they've ever had someone who already works out a lot. I do have a "sob story" to share but I don't use it as an excuse for being fat. It's the reason I work hard every single day. My father dropped dead at 49 after trying to lose weight his whole adult life. He literally died trying. I'm only 6 and a half years away from 49 and I'm following in his footsteps. I never stop working and it's not getting me anywhere. Not sure if that's TV material or not.

I will have nothing but time while I'm in line so I will be blogging about it so stay tuned. Would I be me if I wasn't on some kind of crazy adventure? (you don't have to answer that question Shelley) : )

Monday Mix Tape (Wednesday edition)

I've been desperate to have a minute to post to thank y'all for your incredibly kind support after my 5k on Saturday. I feel like a superstar :) I'm also glad some I could offer some inspiration - I swear, if I can do it you can do it too!

The day after the race I was having some shin pain and decided to call the running store and find out when I bought my shoes. They were 10 months old already so I decided I deserved a new pairThese are the updated version of what I had and the are so nice and bouncy!


Things are crazy busy on the work front (amen!) but that means no double workouts this week. I did manage at least an hour every day so far but I'm feeling the effects from stress of it all. I know that the workouts will help me deal with it better but sometimes it's really hard to step away from work to go to yoga or run.


I've had a love hate relationship with the Biggest Loser over the years but there is REALLY something special about this season's group. They are amazing and every single one of them has already won. I'm motivated by every single word that they say. Jillian BOWED to Olivia at the end last night. You seriously know you did a good job if Jillian bows down to you!!! It was very touching and I don't think I've ever seen the trainers so affected by a group like that before. This whole idea that one of "us" could motivate the trainers is new to me but I get it a little more now.


I've come to the conclusion that I only lose weight one week out of the month. Blame it on hormones, age, perimenopause, or all of the above, but I'm starting to be okay with it. I should see a little loss again in the next week or two. I still check my weight every day but I don't let it affect me like I used to. I've learned that living this way is much less about the scale and so much more about feeling strong and accomplishing awesome things.

Speaking of awesome, if anyone is trying to keep up with my record setting planks, you've got to kick it up a notch
2 minutes 31 seconds
That's right. New record set on Monday. Karen saw the whole thing. I need to think about how I will celebrate getting to 3 minutes :)

Now I must work. Have a great and healthy rest of the week!

why I hate the scale

I just posted yesterday about how I WILL hit my 5% goal this week but so far the scale is not cooperating. I actually hit that goal on Friday but my official Weight Watchers weigh in is tomorrow and If it stays this way I will have a gain! This just goes to show me how much damage a weekend of drinking can do. Beyond the hangover!

I'm mad at myself for caring so much about what the scale says. Especially when I'm feeling so good about all my progress recently. Yesterday I was practically falling asleep at my desk and never thought I would make it to the gym but I made myself go. It was a great class and my butt, hips and arms are on fire today. Today, even though I woke up sore, I got up at 6 and walked the dogs anyway. It was a beautiful morning and I'm proud of myself for not using soreness as an excuse. More than anything, I just love not having to struggle to put my clothes on. I could even put my jeans on right now without unbuttoning them!

Part of my brain thinks I should only weigh in once a week and forget about it the rest of the week. The other part of my brain knows I need the knowledge I gain about how my body handles different foods and different amounts of exercise. Maybe I'm just over thinking it all because I have a specific goal. Before I joined Weight Watchers, I don't think I ever set goals for myself. Even when I lost 100 pounds. I know the goals WW sets for me are good for me - obviously they are making me work harder and I look forward to the little rewards we get. This is all new to me and I don't want to turn it into an obsession!

So excited for Biggest Loser finale tonight. I'm kinda hoping Tara wins!

How much did she lose this week?

A giant sized bag of M&M's

-1.2 pounds!

I'm thrilled to see that number since I usually gain 5 the week of my period. I'll take it!

In other good news:
• I got my 10lb. sticker. 10.4 pounds total on WW (as noted in my side bar)
• I'm 3 pounds away from my 5% goal.
• I earned 19 activity points and used none of them.
• My husband is half a pound away from onederland, wearing pants out of his skinny clothes bin, down two notches on his belt and the doc said he's younger now than he was 2 years ago.

Scary news? I lost 2 points after hitting the 10lb. mark. I haven't been using all my points anyway so hopefully it won't be too hard to adjust. I finally bought a food scale so it's much easier to control portions now.

Would I be happier with more? Yes of course but I'm following in the footsteps of my blog heroes who have done this 2 pounds a week thing successfully. It adds up and it adds up fast. The scale is going DOWN, it's not staying the same or going up. I was disappointed on the Biggest Loser last night how a 3 or 4 lb weight loss was something to be ashamed about. I know it's a TV show but they have a responsibility to their audience to at least mention that "regular people" should not expect to lose that much and that a healthy weight loss is 2lbs per week. I stopped watching it for a long time but I'm hooked again. BLERG!

Back to the pool again tonight! I'm looking forward to a good workout with the better instructor!!