Merry Christmas to me!

Look at this gorgeous Christmas gift I got from my husband. The gift that keeps on giving ;)
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I got this today with the intention of being 2 weeks ahead of the new years resolutioners. Those people I used to despise when I worked out 7 days a week. Every year on January 1st there wasn't an open treadmill to be found for the next 3 months.

I start tomorrow at 8:30am with a personal coach I will have for 8 weeks. I'm psyched. I feel better than I have felt in a very long time except for the fact that I'm still lugging around and extra friends worth of weight. I can do this. I can stick to it and next year at this time, be 100 pounds lighter.

I'm starting over once again. This time I'm in a really good place. I even gave my blog a temporary makeover.

Stay tuned for a new years post I'm working on. There will be pictures and there will be a fun calorie plan for the year. In the meantime, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the last few days before Christmas! Happy Holidays everyone!!

40 is the new black

I turned 40 on Tuesday and while I'm nowhere near reaching my goal of having lost 100 pounds by this time, I still feel young, cool and nowhere near my age ;)

My goal for this new chapter in my life is simply to put into practice everything I've learned up to this point. I've gained so much knowledge about myself both personally and professionally. I'm completely out of excuses. I never thought I would say that.

This weekend is going to be freezing and wet and my goal is to go through all my recipes and plan meals for a month. Then it's on to the kitchen cabinets to clean out anything scary that's in there. Even though I do a pretty good job of keeping them neat, if there are 10 year old chocolate chips in there I will find them when I need fix. I've already done the fridge and it looks very bare. Good thing because it will quickly fill up with homemade soup on Sunday.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!

I need an ass kicking

I'm doing that thing. That horrible thing where you start to tell yourself you are going to start over again in January. I can't believe I even have these thoughts after all I've learned. I'm just glad I'm aware when I'm trying to talk myself into something stupid and can run to my blog for sanity.

I've been working so much at the computer and I'm still having problems getting motivated to move. My eating schedule is all messed up. I don't eat enough during the day and am starving by 6:00. Usually my husband is motivating me but he's in the same funk. We have never been at that point at the same time before and it's making it even more difficult!

I'm not going to whine about it anymore. I'm going to go eat some turkey soup and then at least walk the dogs. I think it's time to dust off some weights.

Thankful!

I know Thanksgiving is over and I have been neglecting my blog but I wanted to stop in and say how thankful I am to have blog friends who miss me when I'm not posting. I appreciate you all so much and thanks for checking in on me.

I made my first ever Thanksgiving dinner. Just us and the neighbors. It was so nice and relaxing. We did see my mom and the rest of the family on Saturday so we didn't completely ditch them.




Please note that is MY turkey that I made and is not a picture from a Martha Stewart magazine :)







I have to say I'm doing really well in terms of dealing with the Situation. Suddenly I feel like I can do this. I have 3 clients already and work to be done so that means I have no choice really! I have been extremely busy but I'm hoping once I get in the groove of a new schedule it will be easier. I tend not to give myself much of a break and feel like I should be working all the time. I haven't been exercising aside from a 30 minute walk every day which helps but doesn't equate to any big loss. I know I have to make time for it but it doesn't make it any easier.

I think I'm going to join the Y for my 40th birthday which is a week from tomorrow. Might as well start at a new gym while everything else is changing. If anything it will be motivating to go to a new place. In the meantime, I'm finally going to use my free pass there to finish out this week. It's always a little intimidating but it's probably better during the day now that I have that opportunity!

I promise to blog more too. I know how much it helps me and I deserve it!

Starting over

I thought I was going to start a new blog but after much thought, I decided I'm not going to let Them take this away from me. Why should I stop after over a year just because They don't have a life.

Emotionally, I'm doing a bit better. Financially, not so much. I had to use every last dime I had to buy a new Mac. My old one was awesome. She was 8 years old though and I couldn't install any of the newest software. I'm hoping to find a school in the neighborhood that could use it. I never thought a trip to the Apple would be so painful.

Believe it or not, I haven't gained much weight. Maybe up 3 pounds from my lowest. Suddenly I'm having to figure out how to eat healthy on a budget. Speaking of which, funny little story about my mom. She down from NC about a week after I lost my job. She always brings tons of food for my sister and I like homemade chicken salad, veggies from her garden etc. Instead of wasting room in her cooler using ice, she used 2 giant frozen beef roasts. One for each of us. It still makes me laugh thinking about that and we ate for DAYS! :)

So what's the plan you ask? The plan is to be the person I wanted to be when I was stuck working in an office. I'm going to work out every day and enjoy the fact that it doesn't have to be at 5:45 am or 6:30 pm. I haven't been exercising much and I know I will never feel good again until I do. I'm going to finish up a logo and then lace up my shoes. I can do this.

I'm working on starting my own business doing simple, affordable design focusing on small to medium size businesses. Know anyone that needs a logo? A website? A brochure? Send 'em my way! I'll have a business website up and running soon!

I've missed you all so much. I can't wait to get my work and workout done and read some blogs this afternoon to catch up. It feels great to be back.

Checking in!

Hey all! Just thought I'd say that things here are fine here and looking up. I've been busier than ever just getting in touch with everyone I know. I'm hoping to be in round 2 of interviews for a fantastic opportunity that could change my life :)

I'm not going to go into to much more detail. The people I thought were my friends at my last job have gone through everything, deleted most everything of mine including wedding pictures, hacked into my Facebook, you name it. I don't trust much that I put out there right now so I'm going to start a new blog soon I swear. I'll let you all know when that happens. In the meantime, send prayers, good vibes etc. that I make it round 2 (of FIVE!) for this job.

unemployed

Just a quick update to let y'all know I lost my job today. Very very long story and I'm going to have to start a new blog soon. I've not given up. I've done so much good for so many people the last few days and I'm not going to let anything take away from that.

Verklempt

I was feeling a bit choked up reading all your sweet comments from yesterdays post. I feel like Linda Richmond....a little verklempt.

Thank you so much for your support as always. Special thanks to Tammy who is a fellow Georgian and unemployed. You're totally right. I hope that me bitching about my situation doesn't offend you or anyone else that doesn't have a job at all right now. I know it could be a lot worse and I need to just keep plugging along. Isn't that what we all do every day anyway? I'm not giving up though. I'm working harder than ever to get myself out there and working on some side projects that may eventually amount to something.

Anyway, it's Friday and it's going to be a fun weekend. It was SUPPOSED to be an upstairs of the house cleaning weekend but I doubt there will be enough time to do the deep cleaning I want to do. My husband desperately wants me to go watch his soccer team play at a pub at 10 on Saturday morning and after all he's supported me this week, I owe it to him! His team isn't one of the big Scottish teams so it's rare they are on TV. He can't watch it on the computer like he normally can so we will be in a bar at 10am. I could probably use a Bloody Mary anyway. It's really like breakfast...especially if it has olives and celery...right? :) After that I will clean and finish my sisters Halloween costume. I swear!

Sunday I'm helping out my girls at Pit Stop 3 on the 3-Day. Here is a pic of the 5 foot tall gingerbread person cutout I did. Walkers can stick their heads in and have a picture taken. I also did the logo for this years theme which is Candyland. I did some funny signs based on the characters in the game to put around as well.

It's supposed to rain on them today and I'm praying it will stay away. Sore feet are bad...wet sore feet are way worse. The rest of the weekend is supposed to be nice If everyone could keep them all in your thoughts this weekend, they could really use it. They will probably have all the food and drink handing out covered so my plan is to head out down the route and walk with single walkers who need a little boost to the pit stop. When I worked the crew a couple years ago I did that and people were so appreciative. I wore a pedometer that day and ended up walking 7 miles. Is it sad that I'm excited to put on all my crazy pink accessories? It's not every day you get to wear a pink sequin cowboy hat!

Today I'm working on a gym schedule. I'm trying to put together a cardio and weight routine that I can follow at the gym during lunch without being able to afford the trainer. I'm checking out some things online and I'm sure I have some knowledge left from when I worked with a trainer before. I'm going to start out with free weights and body weight exercises. Y'all know how I love my squats!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Thanks again for being awesome.

morning meltdown

This morning I feel like a little kid again who doesn't want to go to school because of a bully. It's actually quite sad since I'm almost 40.

I haven't gone into too much detail about my situation at work in the past except for the fact that my boss won't ever walk down the stairs. That aside, I'm not sure if things have gotten worse here or I'm just more sensitive because I'm more in touch with myself these days (and a possible mid-life crisis).

Here is just one example. Yesterday I announced I was going to lunch 10 minutes early to drop the stuff off for the 3-Day. Boss says "where the fu*k is my sign?" I must have looked confused and he started screaming about this stupid thing he emailed me about this morning. Not even anything important. I told him what I'd been working on and he yells again "you just got those changes, what the hell have you been working on all morning?" Actually, I had been backing up files from a weeks worth of crazy work but I couldn't say that because it wasn't on the List.
This is just one of a million horrible things he says to me. Things like "just do what you're told" and "because I said so". I could go on and on but I'll just start crying again.

People wonder why I've stuck around for so long. Part of it was because I once was making really good money. Also, he used to realize he was an ass and then apologize profusely or try to make up for it with money or a gift (sort of like he does with his kids!)

I feel like I'm stuck in an abusive relationship with nowhere to go. We all know there aren't many jobs and I've even come to the point where I'm thinking of other things I could do to just be able to walk out. Going even deeper, I'm a spiritual person and I can't understand the reason why I'm stuck in this position. I constantly do good for others. I'm a good person. Finding my husband was the greatest reward for that. I guess I have yet to know why I have to face this difficult challenge everyday.

To top it all off, I got my first negative blog comment yesterday. LovetoLive (who doesn't seem to have blog said
I do enjoy reading your blog,however the comments you make about Aferican American are inappropriate at times. There was no need to say, you hope to get a black judge. What is that implying?

This has me a little bit concerned. I in no way meant any offense by that. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I think anyone who reads my blog knows that I'm actually involved with Civil Rights activism. I volunteer my time and I give money to our community organizations, I actively support my neighborhood that was once the 2nd worst housing project in America, and I donate my mad design skills to the King Center and Hosea Feed The Hungry. I think that's enough of a justification.

Monday Mix Tape - Wednesday edition

Just when you think your life can't get any busier it does. I think I'm on the other side of the busy spell and can finally take a breath. I couldn't wait to be able to sit down and write and and read some blogs.

I've been doing some freelance photo retouching (finally a little extra money), doing a ton of design stuff for the 3-Day (which took way more time than I thought but I'm a perfectionist), I drove a giant van to Savannah overnight to pick up some patio furniture from a friend who is moving (well worth it!) and then there's work work and working out. I'm exhausted just typing that.

The new gym is great although still under construction. I feel such a sense of relief in that I don't have to fight with myself anymore about before work vs. after work exercise. It's now just part of the schedule if that makes any sense at all. Last time I checked I was still up about 5lbs from my lowest but I'm waiting until Halloween to weigh again. I'm still hoping I can make my 10lb. goal.

This morning I got a ticket for cutting through a neighborhood to drop my husband off at work at the hospital. There's a sign that says No Right Turn Mon-Friday 6am - 10am. We just sat in traffic for 20 minutes getting off the highway and decided to cut through. Bad decision. I asked the cop (totally making the point that I knew it wasn't his fault) why we weren't allowed to drive on public roads just because the neighborhood doesn't like the traffic. He was hilarious and said he can't believe he has to sit there and give out tickets for people driving on roads they pay taxes for and said I should fight it all the way. So I'm gonna. :) I seriously hope I get a black judge so my "just because they are rich white people" argument stands a chance. I doubt I have a chance of winning but maybe it will make me feel better to have my case heard. I haven't seen many people win in my years of experience in Atlanta traffic court.

Now it's time to clean up the mess I've made over the last week and try to re-organize. I hope everyone is doing well and having a good week. I owe myself this time to write and I will make it more of a priority!!