I ate 9 chocolate chip cookies

I'm not going to go on about it but I felt like crap about it and actually cried about it on my walk this morning. I never thought I was a true binge eater but last night proved otherwise. I was almost in a panic last night about what I was going to eat. I've been this way before but never realized it until I started writing about it and reading about it on other blogs. I wasn't that hungry. I can't even begin to figure out why I did it. I know that I was depressed about my weigh in but am I that stupid?

If the sun would ever shine again, I might be in a better mood. We've had no Spring to speak of and I think it's wearing me out.

Now, I'm going to quit whining, forget about the cookies, eat my regular breakfast, and be inspired by reading all my blogs :)

How much did she lose this week?

This box of Franken Berry cereal YUM!
-.6 pounds

I'll admit I'm a little frustrated with the slow weight loss because I've really been pushing myself when it comes to exercise. I've been so sore all week. I owe it all to the weekend eating and drinking and I guess it could have been a lot worse. Still. Going. Down.

Next Wednesday I WILL hit that 5% mark. We have no social obligations this weekend and plan on doing some extra exercise. I'm really seeing the transition happening in our transitional neighborhood and there are lots of fun things going on like a new farmers market and a garden club festival. It would be really nice if the sun would ever decide to shine on a Saturday or Sunday!

Even though I'm down about the slow loss, I had a great NSV today. I feel like I just got engaged because I've been looking at my left hand all morning. My engagement ring fits again!!! I haven't worn it in well over a year and it's so embarrassing when people ask me why I don't wear a ring! I'd almost rather say my husband was too cheap to buy me one than admit it doesn't fit! That wouldn't be fair to him though because he did indeed buy me this gorgeous ring from the Orkney Islands off the Northeast cost of Scotland. He was so happy to see me wearing it again and I promised him I would add the wedding band for my next goal. It's very wide and hard to bend my finger if it's even a little tight.

My husband is going out tonight and I get to have whatever I want for dinner. Immediately I was dreaming of all the delicious things I could enjoy alone at home in front of the TV. The world of drive-thrus awaited! In reality, I'm starting my new week by going to my water aerobics class followed by a trip to Fresh Market for some sushi.

Things are really changing. There wasn't a question as to whether or not I would blow it out during my alone time. The answer was no right away...not even a small argument with myself!

why I hate the scale

I just posted yesterday about how I WILL hit my 5% goal this week but so far the scale is not cooperating. I actually hit that goal on Friday but my official Weight Watchers weigh in is tomorrow and If it stays this way I will have a gain! This just goes to show me how much damage a weekend of drinking can do. Beyond the hangover!

I'm mad at myself for caring so much about what the scale says. Especially when I'm feeling so good about all my progress recently. Yesterday I was practically falling asleep at my desk and never thought I would make it to the gym but I made myself go. It was a great class and my butt, hips and arms are on fire today. Today, even though I woke up sore, I got up at 6 and walked the dogs anyway. It was a beautiful morning and I'm proud of myself for not using soreness as an excuse. More than anything, I just love not having to struggle to put my clothes on. I could even put my jeans on right now without unbuttoning them!

Part of my brain thinks I should only weigh in once a week and forget about it the rest of the week. The other part of my brain knows I need the knowledge I gain about how my body handles different foods and different amounts of exercise. Maybe I'm just over thinking it all because I have a specific goal. Before I joined Weight Watchers, I don't think I ever set goals for myself. Even when I lost 100 pounds. I know the goals WW sets for me are good for me - obviously they are making me work harder and I look forward to the little rewards we get. This is all new to me and I don't want to turn it into an obsession!

So excited for Biggest Loser finale tonight. I'm kinda hoping Tara wins!

The week ahead

Good lord that was a quick weekend! I could really use another day or five.

Successes over the weekend:
• Walking 3 miles on Friday night on major hills.
• Eating only half of my chicken Enchiladas at the Mexican restaurant Saturday.
• Doing extra hill walking and running around with the dogs at mom's in the mountains on Sunday.
• Shopped and prepped for the week despite all my social obligations.

UN-successes over the weekend:
• Drinking too much
• A few too many delicious mom treats

As for the week ahead, I will being going to my water aerobics class tonight, Wednesday, and Friday. Lucy (the crazy puppy) ran into my knee from the side at full force. It feels better today but I'm going to be careful with it so I thought the water would be a good idea. The other 2 days I hope to do 30 minutes walking/jogging in the morning and the same again after work. I'm hoping my water aerobics class is enough resistance training for now because It's actually enjoyable in the water!

This is the week I WILL hit my first big Weight Watchers goal which is 5% so stay tuned for the Wednesday weigh in! Have a great week everyone!

what a morning

I feel like I lived the whole day already between the hours of 6 and 8! I wasn't walking this morning because tonight is my running and swimming night at the gym so I got up a little later and came downstairs to find my husband hosing down the dog. Sophie thought it would be a great idea to roll around in something dead on her morning walk. She loves to roll in smells and it's disgusting. One time she disappeared up the hill at the park and I found her rolling around on a homeless guy under a blanket!

I considered tying her up outside the groomers with a sign that says "wash me", but instead I put her in the shower and washed her as best I could but we're going to have to take her to the self-service dog wash after work to do a better job.

I had no time to pack my lunch and now I can't go to the gym tonight due to emergency dog bath. If I can get home early enough, we're planning on walking to the dog wash which is at least 3 miles round trip.

One good realization that came out of all of this is that my mind seems to be working differently since starting Weight Watchers. I seem to be making exercise a higher priority and finding ways to work it in even if all my plans fall apart or something stressful happens. I had that mindset when I lost 100 pounds before and I'm really happy it's back.

Have a great weekend everyone. Happy Mothers day to all the moms out there! If I think dogs are hard work, moms of REAL children deserve a huge pat on the back!!

p.s. Gigi gave me a blog award and I promise to post my 5 favorites on Monday! She is hilarious and you should read her blog!!

Holy hormones!

I'm so glad it's almost Friday. Even though it's a busy weekend ahead, I'm ready to be out of the office!

My husband and I are both having hormone issues right now. Man, things start to go all wacky when you get older! He just found out he has low testosterone and my thyroid is suddenly abnormal. Husband is going to be using a gel therapy and I just have to have another blood test in 3 months. The doc says that the low testosterone could be the reason he has trouble building muscle and losing belly fat. Hopefully it will help him lose his last 20 pounds. I made sure he told the doctor that his wife wanted to keep her sweet, sensitive husband and doesn't want the testosterone to turn him into some musclebound man pig :)

I've always wanted my thyroid to be abnormal in the worst way. So much so that my doc would say "sorry, it's normal again." I guess I wanted an excuse and it's something that can be "fixed". It would also help explain why I've been overweight since childhood and why I gained 100 pounds back (aside from eating too much and lack of exercise!). I'm not sure anything is going to come of this new abnormality but we shall see.

In the meantime, I'm feeling great! I couldn't go to my class last night due to the endless thunderstorms here in the Southeast but I did my Biggest Loser Yoga DVD and was so pleased to see how much more I can do now that I've taken off some pounds. I almost made it all the way through planks! It was raining this morning so no morning walk for us or the dogs and now I have to figure out what the exercise of the day will be. I might try a little run outside tonight. All depending on the weather...as usual! At least I don't have to water my garden.

How much did she lose this week?

the Captain James Tiberius Kirk Keepsake Ornament. (in honor of the movie)

.4 pounds

I went back to my Weight Watchers meeting which I really needed to do!

I can't believe I've been missing out on this morning walk...for 2 years! Yes, I have allowed my husband to walk both dogs while my lazy fat lard ass stayed in bed. We live right by East Lake Country Club which is the last stop on the PGA tour every year. It's absolutely gorgeous but I've never seen it as pretty as it is in the morning. Our neighborhood is very quiet for a city neighborhood but in the morning, it's dead silent with the exception of an amazing chorus of birds. If that wasn't enough, my oldest dog Sophie looks so proud to have her mom out walking her.

Last night's Biggest Loser was so inspiring. I think all the contestants touched on the fact that they missed out on so much of life by being obese. THAT is my reason for striving to be healthier and losing this weight. While they were doing the marathon, I came to the conclusion that I have done 4.5 marathons as a 3-Day walker which I had honestly never thought about. If I can do that, I can totally run one one day!

I'm going to my water aerobics class tonight even though I walked this morning. I'm pushing myself to work harder so I can lose 2 pounds a week instead of the 1 I have been averaging.

All in all, not a banner week but I'll take it. My 5% goal is only 2 pounds away. I know I can do that by next week!

Up and at it!

I managed to get out of bed at 6am and walked the dogs with my husband! It was nice to be out as the sun was rising and it was extra nice not to feel like a fat, lazy pig who stays in bed while her husband is out enjoying the morning. The plan is to do the walk for 20 minutes for the rest of the week and then up to 30 minutes the following week. My ultimate goal is to run in the morning. We'll get there. Now that I have a garden to tend to, I need some extra time and I enjoy being out there after work which leaves only mornings for exercise. I waste so much time getting more sleep than I need. I'm sure I've written this same post a million times but I've just never been a morning person. I know I can make it a habit if I just stick to it for more than a few days.

I've been noticing this girl on my drive home from work. I take back roads that are extremely hilly and I have seen her huffing and puffing her way along for the last few weeks. She can't be more than 16 and the poor thing probably feels like the fattest girl in her private school. She's not fat by my standards but at that age, 20 pounds can ruin years of your life. I secretly wish her the best every time I see her. I hope that she can win this battle now and create healthy habits so she never has to worry about it at my age. Bless her heart as we say :)

Time for some yogurt! Have a good day everyone!

I haven't given up!

Really I haven't! I'm only up 2 pounds even though for the last 2 weeks I've been very sporadic about eating, tracking, exercising and posting. Things have calmed down a little this afternoon so I thought I would have some me time.

Things are busy again at work which is good, I've applied for my DREAM job, my oldest dog had a tooth pulled, and we're starting to paint our house. It's been really crazy! I haven't heard anything from the dream job yet but I only sent off my stuff on Thursday. I'm more than perfect for this. I just hope they can see me through the tons of resumes I'm sure they are getting. My first thought was having to interview at this size...especially when part of the job involves New York and fashion designers. I promised myself I wouldn't worry about that because negativity is not what I need right now!

I spent 3 hours cleaning the fridge yesterday due to a Coke Zero explosion. If anyone is looking for some motivation to eat healthy, a sparkling clean fridge is the way to go! When I was making our lunches this morning, I was looking at the gorgeous array of food for the week all neatly organized on the clean white shelves. I can't help but be excited to cook it! And yes! It takes very little to excite me.

3 things I saw in the 'hood this weekend that were amusing and then I will let you go.
1. A new illegal street vendor selling 800 thread count sheets.
2. A drunk bum taking pictures in the middle of the street with a digital camera.
3. Someone asking at the deli counter why they don't offer peas on sandwiches.

Have a great week everyone. Can't wait to see what y'all have been up to!

I should practice what I preach (aka the brown ponytail freakout)

As my post from yesterday indicated, I was feeling very positive and happy over the weekend and being thankful for all I have.

Then came a new work week and good ol' reality reared its ugly head. The more I enjoy things the more I worry that it's all going to ripped out from underneath me. Things are bleak on the business front. We are waiting on a letter from a potential new client that could save our asses. If it doesn't happen, there's a good chance we won't survive this.

One of the reasons we chose to live in America instead of Scotland was because of my job (well and the weather!) so I'm the breadwinner in the family. The 20 grand pay cut I just got really hurts but we can survive. If I have no job, that's a different story.

I think it's the uncertainty that's killing me. I'm sure the rest of the world is feeling this too but I wish something, ANYTHING would happen to get us moving in the right direction again. This flu pandemic is not going to help matters at all.

I almost felt bad about today's post because you all were so sweet in your comments yesterday and happy that I was feeling so happy. I need to practice what I preach and I'm embarassed to say that this freak out all started over my hair. My usual cute blonde bob has become a boring light brown ponytail. I just can't justify spending $200 on it right now with all this uncertainty. I even told my hairdresser of 14 years that I coudn't afford it right now thinking he may give me a break on the price. No, he's an asshole. Just like my husband says!

I need to work on a plan. I thought about going to church or that meditation class I've been wanting to go to. Maybe I just need to sit down with a pen and paper and write down all my options and crazy career ideas I've had in the past. I can usually pick up some freelance work when I need some extra cash but I haven't been able to find any. I should probably put some more effort into that. I have a 1,000 page Dreamweaver book I've been working my way through hoping I can make my own portfolio site. I suppose that counts as effort!

Wow, blogging really helps me get some stuff out! Who needs therapy!! :)

What do you all do to calm the voices in your head and stay optimistic through tough times?