Helloooooo from the bottom of a rut

Winter has arrived in Atlanta early this year and I'm not happy about it.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm dreading winter so much this year. Is it because I want to sit on the couch and eat mac and cheese? Is it because none of my coats fit me? Is it because I can't even think about getting in the pool? Why did I choose now to try to get up at 5:30am?

I guess I just have a bad attitude again. My husband and I were discussing this on the way to work this morning. We're both unhappy with ourselves physically and it's taking its toll on our happiness as a couple. Luckily we have each other for support. The older we get the harder it gets to even lose 10lbs. Right now I feel we're just going through the motions working eating and sleeping. Living every week just for the weekend ahead. Then the weekends involve nothing but getting ready for the week ahead.

I need to start taking control of both our diets again. Because I'm the meal planner and the grocery shopper it's my responsibility (note: my husband does more than his share) We may think we're eating healthy but our portions are out of control and once again processed foods have become a staple. We haven't had a vegetable for dinner in while either. I'm usually more than organized for a trip to the store but lately I've been forgetting things. My meal planning has been less than halfhearted.

So what's the plan then? I have to have a plan and not just complain. I know if someone gave me $10,000 right now to remodel my kitchen that would help. My cabinets are falling of the walls which is less than inspiring. Since that is not going to happen I just have to get more creative in my meal planning INCLUDING the weekend meals. I find myself not eating a bit all day on the weekend then gorging on dinner and snacks. I can't tell you how much money I spend on healthy food that goes bad because we ordered pizza on a Tuesday night and never got back on track.

I spent all day Sunday cleaning my office at home and digging out all the stacks of recipes to be filed. Now that I have them all uncovered I can organize them properly. I found a little tabbed folder I'm going to use for the week that has 7 slots to put all the needed recipes for the week so I have them all in one place, stuck to the fridge. I've also designed a lovely shopping list that has everything we buy every trip already printed on it so I won't forget staples like cottage cheese.

Now, to stop writing about it and doing something about it. Off to search some recipes!

Inspiration

Have y'all seen Ruby yet? I finally caught the first episode and have the new one saved to watch sometime this week. This woman totally won me over in the first 10 minutes. She was all could think about all night. She was in my dreams and she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. Eww, I sound like a stalker but it's not like that I swear!

I think what struck me about her is she's just so normal. She's sweet, funny, and has an amazing support system of friends and family who love her just as she is but know that she has to lose weight or she won't be alive much longer. She wants to lose the weight not just for looks but to able to do the things she wants to do. I guess I could say she's like me.

Thanks to Ruby I'm inspired to have a good week ahead. I even cooked all day yesterday to make it easier. I made a delicious pot roast with vegetables in the crock pot which we will have leftover of tonight, pasta sauce with ground turkey, egg salad for lunch, packaged up cottage cheese and peaches etc.

I find that once all these things are done I have less of excuse to skip my water aerobics class. It's going to be a very cold week here which is already going to make it difficult to go but I need to remember sweet Ruby who got in the pool despite being so large she had to wear a dress in the water. She just laughed about it being pinned together between her legs like a baby onesie. Bless her heart and may we all share her strength to become the active, healthy people we are on the inside.

Flat Friday

It's really been a rather blah week. I haven't been doing well with my eating but I haven't been terrible either. I think it's that I'm staying in my points range but not eating really healthy. I just haven't been inspired in the kitchen at all. I have a weekends worth of Cooking Light and Eating Well to get through so hopefully I will be inspired some. It's going to be difficult because we're on a budget this week since the Amex bill came for my husbands emergency plane ticket to Scotland. Oh well at least that's done and paid and it's not like it was in college where I had to take out the back seat of my car to look for change!

I was inspired by Kath over at Kath Eats Real Food to start getting up early. Check it out. She's got some really great tips on ways to make it easier. I feel like such a lazy ass when my husband gets up before dawn to walk the dogs and I sleep an extra 40 minutes. I don't know how I can even sleep with all the guilt.

That being said, I'm looking in to joining a 2nd gym for the weekends AND for Bodypump classes. We pay for the gym at my husbands work but it's only $35 a month for the both of us. I would still use the hospital gym for my water aerobics class. There's a beautiful Y around the corner from our house but it doesn't have Bodypump. There's another one close by that has it but it's a bit of a drive. There's a local gym close by that has it but it's a pretty basic gym for the same price as the Y. The Y even has wellness coaches now that are free. Bodypump is one of the things that I KNOW I did when I lost 100lbs before. To me it's the perfect way to lift weights. Not boring, visible results and cardio too. Lets hope I can afford it and find one that works.

Could I really go to a 6am Bodypump class? That Girl would totally go.

exercising the willpower muscle

I think I've mentioned before that I've been asking my friends questions about what I did when I lost 100 pounds before. For some reason I have no memory of what I ate (did I eat anything really?) or what I did. I just know that one day I woke up in a size 10.

One of the recurring themes of my answers from my friends is willpower. They say they've never known anyone with more willpower than me during that time. My sister reminded me we would go out after clubs to Waffle House and while everyone had piles of greasy food, I had dry toast. I don't remember ever feeling deprived either. It's just what I had to do...like going to work.

These days I feel like I have none of that left. It's like a muscle I haven't used in a while. It hurts to use it at first but maybe if i exercise it more it will become part of my everyday motions. I practiced this last night and after a bit of struggle it worked. I had one sensible and planned snack and a glass of milk after dinner and that's where it ended. I went to bed very proud of myself for exercising control over my food all day and I woke up a pound lighter.

I'm going to quit being a big fat baby and get this willpower muscle back into shape!

A relaxing weekend

Well it was relaxing for dogs anyway! I was so excited to see them laying together for the first time. Lucy (the black and white one) is just over 1 and Sophie is 6. We've had Lucy for a year now and I think they are really best friends now.

I FINALLY feel normal again. My pain in my ankles has just about disappeared. I've been really concentrating on walking normally and I think we're finally there. I was starting to get really depressed about it but happy to have woken up today feeling really good. I'm sure that my weight hasn't helped in the healing process at all but at least I feel like I can get stuff done now.

I got tons of chores done including a good healthy trip to the store for the week. I have all our meals planned and am excited to be back at the gym this week since I'm feeling so much better. It's going to be hard going to the pool in this cold weather but once I'm in it I'm fine.

Here's to a good week of points counting, gym going and feeling better!

Still the same but different

I woke up this morning thinking it was all a dream. Probably because I went to bed in a food/champagne coma. I can't believe I used election day as an excuse to eat and drink like a crazy person but it's over now and today is a new day. A really great new day.

I cried for an hour last night after John Stewart told me the news. I think I cried mostly because I couldn't believe the amount of pride I felt for the first time in my adult life. I felt like even though my state was red, stayed red, and probably will always be red, that my voice was heard. At least my county was blue. Watching the coverage from Ebeneezer Baptist church (which is not far from my house) made me want to run down there and join in. Some of the people there nearly gave their lives for this day and were celebrating the memories of those who did make the ultimate sacrifice.

I'm not expecting miracles. There's a really long road ahead but I feel like we proved everyone else in the world wrong. America has evolved. We are not racist rednecks but an incredible country full of all different kinds of people who can work together when things get bad.

I'm so proud of America for standing up, coming out to vote and taking our country back. It's proof that we matter.

A day for CHANGE

I can't believe how ridiculously excited I am for this election today. I've never cared about politics before but I can attribute my interest to various things like getting older, owning a house, planning for retirement etc. All these reasons aside, I think Obama is the most exciting thing to happen to American politics in a very long time. This country is long overdue for someone like him.

The neighborhood where I live has an apartment community that used to be the 3rd worst housing project in the country. The average age of the grandmother was 33. The entire community was turned around by the East Lake Foundation which was funded by one man's wealth. It was an incredible transformation and our golf club now hosts the final leg of the PGA tour every year. The best is that the people who lived there were allowed to come back after it was rebuilt. Soon after a nice supermarket was built and restaurants and bars started opening in abandoned buildings. We continue to see the transformation which is nice but the soul of the neighborhood is still there. The good part that is. The drugs and crime are still there but slowly disappearing.

I feel like it is a privelage to live in this neighborhood. Our street is a mix of all kinds. Generations of African Americans who have lived in the same houses since they were built in the 40s mixed with the white middle class who love living in a part of the city that feels like a small town.

Part of me wants Obama to win not only because of my political views, but for the generations of African Americans who have fought through slavery and discrimination to see this become a reality. I hope that day is today.

If today is that day, I will be parading up and down the street with free drinks for everyone : )

P.S. even if you don't agree with my views, please vote today!!

Goals - fit for 40

I've never been one for setting goals for myself but I feel like the older I get the more they really work for me. I've been trying to get through the things I don't like to do by making myself focus on one thing a week. Then I don't get overwhelmed at the idea of a weeks worth of things I hate like dealing with finances and general boring grownup life stuff.

Keeping up with this blog has helped me so much with my attitude. I feel like I can really do this again so I've set some goals that may be big, but I've done it all before and I can do it all again.

My 40th birthday is a little over a year away. I'm not worried about turning 40 but it's a milestone nonetheless. It also marks the age (for me personally) where there's no turning back as far as having kids are concerned but that's an issue for another day.

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to be when this birthday comes and it certainly doesn't involve being fat. For some reason I feel like if I'm still fat at 40 then I always will be. Certainly people over 40 lose weight all the time but it's gotten so much harder for me now than when I was young that I can't let it get any worse.

My goal is to lose 100lbs by August 7th. That's just a little bit over 2lbs. a week. The reason for this date is I've decided I have to walk the 3-Day again (before the birthday) and this year will be doing it in Chicago. I can just imagine crossing the finish line in my favorite city 100 pounds lighter. One of my friends that lives there works for Oprah so you never know...I might even get to meet her and tell her my story : )

I realize this is a huge undertaking and while I may not reach my numbers goal, I think it's a good one. Like I said I've done it all before and I can do it all again.

Meanwhile, my goal for the week is to drink my water, track my food and go back to my water aerobics class. So far so good!

Look out swimmers, this fat girl is diving back in.

Happy Halloween!

Well it was almost impossible to get these guys to sit still for some pictures but I did the best I could. All pictures of them are blurry because they are always on the move! Still, they look adorable and the neighborhood dogs all have matching bandannas as well.

I have such a doughnut craving today. Luckily I have none! I haven't even eaten all the Halloween candy this year. I usually end up having to buy more at the last minute because I ate it all. For some reason I'm just not that in to it this year. I also tried to buy stuff I didn't like that much but seriously, there's not much out there I don't like. I think I'm really starting to see some changes in myself as far as my attitude towards food. I don't have to eat it all just because. What a concept!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe halloween. I will be voting in hopes that everyone will be out with their kids and not in my line : )

She's crafty

I did something very that girl last night and I'm really proud of myself. I made Halloween bandannas for my dogs, neighborhood pals, and the dogs (and one rabbit) of my co-workers. I can't wait to put them on them tonight and take a picture. I'll make sure to post it tomorrow if I can get them to sit still. They've been nuts since their daddy arrived home.

Of course since I've been feeling better I overdid it on the ankles and am hurting a bit this afternoon. It's only because I went shopping at lunch so it's not like I can use exercise as an excuse. It's amazing how long sprains take to heal. I'm totally over it.

Not much going on today other than looking forward to my "stories" on NBC tonight. I love calling them that since that's what my grandmother called her soaps. I missed 30 Rock!

gosh, boring day = boring post. Dog pictures tomorrow will be much more exciting!